Nicole
by x.Sess.x.Satan.x
Summary: FINISHED! The Red Dwarf Posse find a longlost crew member. All but one of them find her irresistable, but there's only one man for her...sort of...
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **I never have and never will own any Red Dwarf characters, they remain the property of Grant and Naylor. The only characters within this story that are my property are Nicole Adler.

**Author's note: **This is my first Red Dwarf fanfic (please be gentle!) and I hope I live up to any expectations held by fans. This may seem a little bitty at first but it gets better....trust me!

Arnold sat at the table by himself. He picked at his food miserably. He had had to buy the bare minimum for lunch as the school bullies had beaten him up and taken most of his money again. School lunches were never the most appetizing looking meals anyway, but when they were bought with just a couple of dollarpounds, they seemed that much worse. He sighed a sigh of utter depression as she walked past without even acknowledging him. He looked back and saw her walk perfectly out of the room perfectly holding her tray with her perfect slender fingers. How long had it been now? A year? A year and a half? He didn't like to dwell on it. He looked over at the table she had just vacated and saw her friends pointing at him and giggling. They didn't even stop when he looked at them. He felt utterly wretched. Not only did he have no friends, he had just found out that he was to fail chemistry. And he knew what that meant: the rack. He would be put on the rack and stretched. He shuddered just thinking about it. Just then, she came back. Sandra Dennis. He knew her from cadet school, but outside that they never spoke.  
"Hello, Bonehead." She said as she walked back to her sneering friends. Arnold's heart gave a flutter: she had spoken to him! OK, there hadn't been a hint of friendliness in her tone of voice, and she didn't even use his real name, but she had said two words to him. Two whole words! He smiled at her, but she just gave a small sound which implied disgust and turned away. His smile faded rapidly. He was going to be alone forever. That was a depressing thought at the age of fourteen. But it was true. No-one was ever going to love him.

Across the road, Nicole stared out of the window. She heard the school bell ring, and wished she was there. She saw everyone file out then break into a run as they saw the snow. She saw the child who always came out last, a scrawny, helpless little child with out of control hair. She watched him trawl heavily over to his mother, and she saw the look of anger on her face as she was handed a report card labelled 'Chemistry.' She looked down and saw the group of school kids trudging through the foot-deep snow up to her front door. She wished she could warn them but her windows had booby traps on them making them impossible to open. She watched helplessly as the well-wishers rang the doorbell and started singing. The melodious strains of "Good King Wenceslas" were abruptly replaced by screams as they were bombarded with water balloons and mince pies by her sister, Judith, and Judith's friends, Lizzie and Kelly. The carolers ran back down the garden path and down the road. Nicole drew her curtains sadly. She had had no idea that it was Christmastime. Seconds later Judith crashed rudely into Nicole's room.  
"I need money." Judith said bluntly.  
"That's nice." Replied Nicole, just as brusquely. She had learnt not to give in to her sister's wants, which included polite answers, so she was acerbic and sarcastic wherever possible.  
"Now, I know you have your little money pouch hidden away somewhere--"  
"Jude!"  
"--so I'll be needing that."  
"No, I need that money to go to college."  
Judith snorted. "College? You don't even go to school!"  
"So?" Nicole retorted indignantly.  
"So, give me the money." Nicole sighed and reached under her mattress. She pulled out the pouch and gripped it tightly.  
"How much do you want?"  
"How much have you got?"  
"Three hundred dollarpounds."  
"Well, let's see. I need a hundred for mum's present, a hundred for dad's present," Nicole handed her the money as Judith listed her requirements, "fifty for Kelly and fifty for Lizzie."  
Nicole handed her the remainder of her money. Judith looked at her and sighed.  
"OK. You can have twenty." She held out the note. Nicole stared at it suspiciously.  
"Why..?"  
"So you can buy your friends something." Nicole looked at the floor. She didn't usually cave, but she was just so upset. She knew Judith wanted her to say it, and the longer she left it the stupider she would look. She summoned up all her dignity and said it: "I don't have any friends." Judith looked smug and waltzed out of the room. Nicole threw herself down on her bed and started to cry. She was going to be alone forever. That was a depressing thought at the age of fourteen. But it was true. No-one was ever going to love her.

**A/n: **Please review this. Any criticism welcome! This goes for all my forthcoming chapters.


	2. I'm trying to revise!

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own Red Dwarf or any of it's amazing characters.

**Author's note: **This chapter isn't entirely relevant to the story. It's just trying to put across that Rimmer hasn't actually met Nicole yet, whereas Lister has. Sort of. You'll understand by the end of the next chapter, I promise!!!

"Show me the way to go hooome!"  
Rimmer looked up from his half-completed revision timetable. Lister stumbled into the room, knocking over his guitar as he went.  
"I'm tired and I want to go to beeeeed!"  
Rimmer looked back down at his timetable and printed 'ASTRONAVIGATION' in the 7:00-8:30pm slot. Lister peered over Rimmer's head, resting his elbows on his shoulders.  
"Lister..." Rimmer said warningly.  
"Alright, alright," Lister moved away from Rimmer and jumped onto his bunk creating an almighty ruckus. There was a thankful silence in the room for a long time. Rimmer took the opportunity to Tipp-ex out 'ASTRONAVIGATION' from the 7:00-8:30pm slot. He turned and saw Lister was asleep and snoring gently. He sighed with relief and leaned back in his chair. Lister opened one eye.  
"'Cos I had a drink about an hour ago--"  
"WILL YOU BE QUIET!"  
"OK, Rimmer, I'm sorry," Lister said with a laugh.  
"Are you laughing at your superior, Lister?"  
"No, I'm laughing at you, smeghead!"  
"Right, that's it, you're on report."  
Lister held his hands up in mock surrender.  
"Ooh, I'm so scared!" he said, not holding back the sarcasm.  
Rimmer ignored him and continued writing in his report book, saying each word aloud as he wrote.  
"Right, Lister D. Third Technician. Offense: laughing at and insulting a superior officer."  
"Oh for God's sake, Rimmer. Lighten up!"  
Rimmer shut the book with a snap and waved it towards Lister.  
"When the Captain sees this--"  
"--I'm dead," Lister interrupted. He had heard this speech countless times. "Look, if I bother you so much, why don't you just leave?"  
"Because I don't want to leave, I want to revise!"  
"Rimmer, your Astronavigation exam is tomorrow and you still haven't finished your timetable."  
Rimmer stared at the piece of card in front of him. Smeg, Lister was right! The only thing he had written on it had just been Tipp-exed out!  
"Look," said Lister in a slightly more serious tone, "If you want me to leave, I'll leave."  
"Yes, that would be nice." Rimmer replied as gently as he could.  
Lister jumped down from the bed, lurched out the door and down the corridor. Rimmer waited until the echo of Lister's thundering footsteps had ceased before writing 'ASTRONAVIGATION' in the 7:00-8:30pm slot.

**A/n: **Teehee! I love the 'Astronavigation' thing! My friend came up with that! In fact it's probably the funniest bit in this fanfic so far!


	3. Before the accident

**Disclaimer:** Let's face it, I am NEVER going to own Red Dwarf. Leave me alone!

**Author's note: **OK, here comes some slight development...

Lister crashed into the Drive Room, spilling Kristine Kochanski's coffee over her lap.  
"Whoops! Sorry!" Lister apologised with sincerity. Kochanski gave a sigh.  
"It's OK, really," Kris said resignedly, "Nikki, could you get me a wet paper towel please?"  
"Sure." She got to her feet.  
"Issat the new Nav Officer?" Lister asked with a slur.  
"Yes, Nicole Adler, Dave Lister. Dave Lister, Nicole Adler," She introduced them to each other speedily, "Now can someone get me a wet paper towel?"  
"Nice to meet you," Said Nicole politely.  
"Right back at ya," said Lister, not quite as politely. And with that she was out of the door.  
"Listen, I've got a favour to ask," said Lister quietly.  
"Oh yeah?" said Kochanski suspiciously.  
"You know I took that trip down to Mimas? You know," He paused for emphasis, "to get over you."  
Kochanski looked up at Dave's face then immediately away again.  
"Yeah," she mumbled awkwardly.  
"Well, I picked up something which I probably shouldn't have done."  
Kochanski rolled her eyes. "What, the cat?"  
Lister eyes darted. How did she know?  
"What cat?" he tried to look innocent.  
"The one that's been mewling in your jacket for the last five minutes."  
Lister grinned a nervous, guilty grin. He knew that getting her involved in this put her in serious jeopardy, but he didn't know who else to turn to. Selby and Chen wouldn't care. Petersen was still on shore leave. Rimmer would probably report him. She was the only person he could think of. Suddenly she grabbed his arm and led him outside into the corridor. Her voice took a much more serious tone.  
"Now you listen to me--" She began. She was interrupted by Nicole coming back with the paper towel.  
"Here you go," she said sweetly.  
"Thanks Nik"  
Nicole nodded and walked back into the Drive Room leaving Kochanski and Lister to mumble quietly amongst themselves. No sooner had she sat down than Kochanski's shrill voice whistled through the air.  
"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?"  
A moment later Lister's head appeared around the door. He nodded at Nicole. "Nice to meet ya, but I guess I won't be seein' ya for eighteen months."  
Before Nicole had a chance to enquire as to his meaning, he had gone.

**A/n: **It's getting there, isn't it? I hope this is OK so far...  
Looking back at it, this is actually quite a short chapter, but it's probably the one that's taken me longest to write (damn writer's block!)


	4. After the accident

**Disclaimer: **Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't own Red Dwarf or any of it's characters, blah, blah, blah.

**Author's note: **I love this chapter, especially the first paragraph. Possibly the longest chapter so far, apart from the Prologue. Some of this stuff is actually quite relevant to the story ahead so PAY ATTENTION!

Rimmer took a good look at himself in the mirror. He put his hand over his forehead and looked again. He thought he looked so much better without the dominating 'H.' He brought his hand away and sighed. There was nothing he could do about it, the 'H' was there for good. He could get Holly to change any part of his appearance. He could get her to give him rock hard pecks, washboard stomach, chiseled good looks, but he couldn't get her to take the 'H' away. That was almost a depressing a thought as not having had a sex life for four and a half years. He looked at himself again. He was much happier with his new blue uniform than he had been with the red, green or khaki ones. It was a much more flattering colour and it took the attention away from his hectic, reddish hair. But what he loved most about it was that it meant he was a hard-light hologram. He could touch things and interact like a normal human being. But the fact was he was dead. You could have given him a multicolored, tailor-fitted, gold-lined uniform for all he cared; it didn't make him alive again. Nothing would.

Lister walked into the Officers' Quarters that he and Rimmer had made their home a long time ago. Kryten waddled beside him.  
"Hi, ugly!" Lister regarded Rimmer.  
"Smeg off, Lister," Rimmer said, wearily turning round, "I am smegging not in the smegging mood, O-smegging-K?"  
"What's with all the 'smegs'?" Lister asked.  
"I'm having one of those moments when you realise that nothing ever has or ever will go right for you, that's all. It's just a bad day."  
"Excuse me for interrupting, sir" intercepted Kryten, "but when do you ever have a good day?"  
Rimmer sighed and turned back to the mirror.  
Lister looked at Kryten and shook his head. When he had tried to rebuild Kryten a couple of years back, there had been a few odds and ends left over. They had soon figured out that one of them was his 'compassion' chip. He was just about able to replicate the emotion with the 'guilt' chip combined with the 'understanding' chip, but sometimes it came out a little wrong. This was one of those times.

"Look," said Lister, trying to change the subject, "the reason we came here was to tell you we're picking up an unidentifiable object on the scanners. Thought you might be interested, you know, aliens and all that."  
Rimmer gave a small shrug. He had long abandoned his obsession with aliens as he realised he was probably never going to actually meet one. But he was bored and miserable so he decided to go anyway.  
"Holly?" the blonde face appeared on the screen.  
"Yes, Arnold?"  
"Can you convert me to soft-light, please?"  
Holly nodded and Rimmer's red uniform returned. He knew that if they lost track of this U.O. they would blame it on his hard-light projection unit wasting too much energy, and he wasn't in the disposition to be yelled at.

As they joined Cat in the Drive Room, they saw the U.O. on the screen. A blue and white capsule that seemed to be heading straight for them.  
"Is it a missile?" Rimmer asked.  
"No, sir," said Kryten, "It's far too small. It resembles a stasis capsule."  
"A stasis-what?" Lister asked, confused.  
"A stasis capsule, sir."  
"So what's one of them when it's at home?"  
"It is a stasis field contained within one craft. Someone gets inside the capsule, plots a course and activates the stasis field. It was banned after 3 years because they found dangerous radiation enters the brain during travel."  
"So, if it was banned..." Rimmer began.  
"It means the capsule has been traveling for well over 3 million years. Yes, sir." Kryten finished.  
"Is there any chance of human life?" Rimmer was growing more and more intrigued by the second.  
"There is a great chance, sir. After all, when they went to destroy these capsules, they found three were missing. One of them, coincidentally, was from Red Dwarf."  
Rimmer was excited now.  
"Kryten, scan for human life. Let's bring this baby home."

**A/n: **OK, warning, the next couple of chapters are going to go at quite a slow pace. I've got to set the scene a little more, but after that it will move a bit quicker (obviously not so fast that it's "blink-and-you-miss-it," but, you know what I mean.)


	5. Unidentified Object

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Red Dwarf or anything related to Red Dwarf (apart from a Red Dwarf mousepad. That's all mine.)

**Author's notes: **VERY short chapter. This just sets the scene for the big unveiling in the next chapter, and also lets the Cat say something!

Cat glided into the quarantine bay, late as ever.  
"Hey! What's happenin', buds?"  
After a lot of debate between Rimmer and Lister, the capsule had been brought into the ship. Lister had thought it was a stupid idea.  
"What if there's, like, some deranged simulant in there?"  
"What if there's a person in there?" Rimmer had replied, "I thought you were a man of morals, Listy?"  
"I am," Lister retorted, "I just think this is way too risky."  
"God, you sound more like me than I do!"  
"Alright, fine," Lister shouted indignantly, "bring in the capsule! Risk death for everyone! But I'm warning you. If that thing kills me I'm taking your projection unit with me."  
Rimmer just shrugged. He'd heard Lister's idle threats before a hundred times.

So the stasis capsule was quarantined for fourteen hours whilst Rimmer, Lister and the Cat watched on in anticipation, worry and confusion, respectively.

**A/n: **Not much to say, really. Next chapter will _probably_ be longer...


	6. Unveiling

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any characters or locations in this story apart from Nicole Adler and her old home (which _will_ make an appearance later on, if you're confused.)

**Author's note: **I really like this chapter. It took me a while to write the first bit--writer's block again--so it might seem a bit.....crap. Please stick with it.

"One hour to go, sirs," stated Kryten, "Should I charge up the bazookoids as a precaution?"  
"Yes," Lister said, at the exact same time that Rimmer said, "No."  
They looked daggers at each other for a long time. Kryten nervously broke the silence: "Um, what should I do, sirs?"  
Lister spoke first, "Charge up the bazookoids."  
Kryten went to do so.  
"Kryten, stop," came Rimmer's voice, "stay where you are, that's an order."  
Kryten froze mid-step.  
"Don't listen to him, Krytes, go get the bazookoids!"  
Kryten moved again.  
"No!"  
Kryten stopped.  
"Yes!"  
Kryten moved.  
"No!"  
Kryten stopped.  
"Yes!"  
Kryten moved.  
"OK, hold it, hold it!" Cat piped up, "Kryten, you're making me dizzy, man!"  
"Look," said Rimmer, "if this is the capsule from Red Dwarf, how is the occupant going to feel if he or she steps out to a barrage of bazookoid fire?"  
"Yeah," retorted Lister, "but how are we going to feel if it's some deranged simulant that's in the mood for killin' stuff?"  
This argument continued for quite some time before a compromise was finally met: They would load all the bazookoids and keep them in the room, but they would only be set to 'stun' and no-one was allowed to touch them until it was certain that whatever was inside the capsule was dangerous. However, before they had time to instigate to plan, the quarantine alarm went off. The pod was ready to open.

Kryten hit some keys and the pod opened with a hiss. A foggy mist rose from the capsule creating a thick cloud within the quarantine bay. Kryten hit some more buttons and the fog gradually cleared. Lister's hand twitched over the bazookoid. Kryten rhythmically punched commands into the console. Rimmer watched on, mesmerized by the swirling patterns the fog was producing. Cat didn't really care what happened, as long as he was fed within the hour. A coughing sound emerged from the pod. It sounded female. Lister grimaced with effort not to reach for the bazookoid and open fire. The silhouette of a small, slender, woman was cast in the mist. Lister's instinct got the better of him as he grabbed his weapon.  
As the whirling veil cleared, her features were thrown into illumination, and the first thing that struck everybody's attention was the Red Dwarf uniform she was wearing. Rimmer smiled. Oh, how he loved being right!  
His smile rapidly faded into full on awe, as her face looked up at the motley crew. Rimmer's, Cat's and Lister's jaws dropped to the floor. She was stunning! Her wavy, auburn, mid-length hair sat impeccably on her shoulders. Her ice blue eyes were the colour of the ocean. Her face was a perfect oval shape. She looked around desperately confused. Where the smegging hell was she...?

**A/n: **All my friends think I based this woman on myself, but it ISN'T true (unfortunately)! Still waiting for reviews........


	7. Introductions and Rock, Paper, Scissors

**Disclaimer: **Again, I don't own any of Grant Naylor's fantastic creations.

**Author's note: **This chapter is a bit quicker than the last few. I love the reactions of Rimmer, Lister and the Cat in this one!

The quarantine bay door slid open with a whispering hiss and she silently stepped into the Control Room. Kryten was the first to speak, "My name is Kryten, ma'am." He shook her hand. Lister's bazookoid crashed to the floor and smashed into a thousand pieces as he raced to hold out his own hand.  
"Dave Lister," he introduced himself whilst tripping over his own foot. Rimmer also eagerly stuck his hand out even though he was in soft-light form: "Arnold J. Rimmer."  
Cat had no idea what they thought they were achieving by thrusting their fingers in her face and saying their own names, but he followed suit, "The Cat," he said, then added, "I'm smooth, with a capital smoo!"  
"Dave Lister," Lister said again.  
Just then Holly appeared on the screen. This would have been a comfort to the newcomer, had Holly not performed a self-head-sex-change operation.  
She looked at the quintet in fear. There was a man with very large teeth, some sort of robot, a floating head, a man with an 'H' on his forehead (she took comfort in the fact that she knew that meant he was a hologram) and a man who looked strangely familiar.  
Finally Rimmer couldn't stand the silence any longer, "Er, may I ask for your name?"  
"N-Nicole," She found her tongue at last, "Nicole Adler."  
"Dave Lister," Lister repeated once more for good measure.  
"Yes, you did say," Nicole said, "Wait. Did you say...Dave Lister?"  
"Yeah. Three times." Lister said, humiliated.  
"Oh my God! You're the coffee guy!" This comment was greeted by a silence and several confused looks, "Do you not remember?"  
Lister shook his head slowly.  
"You came into the Drive Room? You spilt coffee on Kris's lap? I got the wet paper towel? Anything?"  
Lister searched his mind, which didn't take long, and finally came up with something.  
"Nikki Adler..?" he asked tentatively. She nodded fervently. Lister turned to face the others. They clearly needed an explanation.  
"Nicole joined Red Dwarf as a Nav. Officer just before the accident."  
"What accident?"  
They all stared at her for a while, not wanting to tell her the tragic position she was in.  
Kryten spoke, "Excuse us for two minutes, ma'am.' He said politely. She nodded and they all got in a huddle. Without saying a word they all made fists. They silently counted 1...2...3. Cat and Kryten made rocks. Rimmer and Lister made scissors. Rimmer and Lister turned to each other. 1...2...3...they both made paper. 1...2...3...they both made rock. 1...2...3...they both made paper again.  
"OK," interrupted Lister at a whisper, "I'm thinking of a number between one and twenty. What is it?"  
"Seventeen?"  
There was a tense pause before Lister mouthed "Dammit!"  
He turned to Nicole with a false smile. Her heart sank.  
"What is it?" she asked with a sigh. She really didn't want to know, but she knew she had to.  
"Well, you are back on Red Dwarf," said Lister.  
"Oh, good!" said Nicole.  
"But..." said Lister.  
"Oh, God." Said Nicole.

"Say that again..." Lister had finished his elucidation of the situation and she was finding it a little hard to believe. He shrugged and shook his head. What could he say, except repeat the whole thing again? Nicole took a deep shaky breath and paced around for a bit, muttering 'I don't believe this. I simply don't believe this.'  
"Miss Adler, ma'am?" Nicole turned to face who she now knew was called Kryten. "If you don't mind me asking, how did it turn out that you were not aboard Red Dwarf at the time of the accident?"  
Nicole raised her eyebrows. "Wow," she exclaimed, "I really can't remember, um..."  
Rimmer interrupted, "It's OK, you don't have to tell us now." He shot a glance at the insensitive droid, who sent himself immediately into 'guilt mode.'  
"No," replied Nicole, "It's fine, I'll tell you. OK, it was early evening, and Red Dwarf had just left its post on Titan, when Captain Hollister told me to come into his office..."

**A/n: **OK, flashback sequence coming up. I'll probably post it by the end of today. P.S. You may be wondering how my chapters are being uploaded so quickly. Well, I had an operation two days ago, and I'm at home on recovery, so I have had a _lot _of spare time on my hands! It will slow down on Monday when I go back to school :(


	8. Flashback

**Disclaimer: **I _still _don't own any part of Red Dwarf--I'll let you know if it happens.

**Author's note: **Flashback sequence. This answers a lot of questions.

"_Miss Adler?" Hollister's voice echoed through the half-empty Drive Room. Nicole got shakily to her feet. She had been waiting for that name to crop up for over an hour. She glanced at the figure beckoning her into his office and sighed. She walked uneasily over to the looming figure who gently pressed his hand on her back, forcing her into the tiny room. He sat down and looked up at her, an expectant smile on his face. He didn't say a word. She felt her body temperature raise way above what was normal. His eyes bore into hers with overwhelming suspense. Finally she couldn't take the pressure any more:  
_"_I'm so sorry, sir! Jackson made me do it, sir! She--"  
__The Captain raised a hand to silence her.  
_"_I have no interest in what you get up to in the privacy of your own quarters, so long as it doesn't break any rules," Nicole bit her lip. She was pretty sure that stealing Hollister's pile medicine, using it as makeshift massage oil on a senior officer, and charging him sixty dollarpounds for it was actually against the rules, but she didn't let on. Hollister continued, "I actually wondered if you were interested in a little expedition. I know you've had your eye on the Ganymede Project," Nicole's heart gave a start, "but unfortunately all the positions have been filled. However, there is a semi-stable assignment being planned for next week. It's normally something we would give to one of the technicians to do, but Lister's in stasis; Rimmer's busy with a drive-plate job; and I know you're eager to contribute to the work force." Nicole nodded enthusiastically. She'd waited years for an opportunity like this!  
_"_What's the job?" she asked, before remembering, "Sir."  
__Hollister smiled, "You are to go back down to Mimas and pick up a consignment of supplies that were left behind."  
__Nicole's heart sank to her feet. That was it? Picking up a few supplies? Wasn't he going to at least try to challenge her? Apparently not. She sighed as she realised: a mission's a mission.  
_"_Yes, sir." She said expressionlessly. A quick salute, and she was out of the door._

_A week later she was stood in the empty landing bay of a Starbug. A large box was wheeled into it and placed down in front of her. It was about twice her height and had a lot of complicated looking buttons and labels. One in particular caught her eye: "Warning: may cause damage to the brain and hea--" The last word had been partly burnt off, but she guessed it was supposed to be 'heart.' She had never felt so uncomfortable in her life. She didn't want to be a part of this mission any more, but she couldn't exactly turn to the Captain and say, "Hey, actually, I've changed my mind. Why don't you bring that bloke out of stasis early so you can make _him _do this?" With this in mind, she stepped uneasily into the capsule and sat in the only seat. She set a course to Mimas as she had been told to do. As she typed in coordinates she became acutely aware that this was the only part of the task that truly needed any Navigational skill. This didn't help her racing pulse. As she finished programming the pod, a timer was set on the side of it. The very last thing she remembered was thinking: "I'm going to die, I know I'm going to die," as the lid to the capsule was closed with a metallic thud._

**A/n: **Hope this has shed some light on the somewhat confusing situation I have thrust this poor girl into! I'd like to thank 'The Mutant Velociraptor' and 'lil smegpot' for wishing me well on my operation--I'm feeling a lot better now, thankyou! The chapters won't come as thick and fast as they have done because I'm going back to school in a couple of days.


	9. Panic Attack

**Disclaimer: **Yeah, blah blah blah, I don't own any part of Red Dwarf, blah blah blah.

**Author's note: **Possibly the last chapter I write before I go back to school tomorrow but I'll try to post one tonight. This chapter goes quite fast so try and keep up! This chapter just tries to imply that everyone, bar Kryten, is completely besotted by Nicole.

"And the next thing I remember was getting out and seeing you lot." Nicole concluded her story. No one knew what to say. Suddenly Nicole put her hand to her forehead and reeled backwards. She gripped onto the control panel for support. The room around her started spinning. She could feel her heartbeat pounding in her head. She found it increasingly hard to breathe and soon her limbs weren't strong enough to carry her body. Her hand slipped from the panel and she collapsed. Luckily by this time Lister and Kryten had hold of her and were able to suppress her fall. She heard the hologram order the others to take her to the medibay, then she passed out.

She woke up to find Rimmer, Lister and Cat crowded around her. When they saw her eyes open they all gave a sickly smile.  
"What happened?" she croaked. Her throat was incredibly dry.  
"You had a panic attack," said Rimmer quietly, "Kryten says it was brought on from the shock of...well, you know." He stuttered. It was times like this that Rimmer wished he was more comfortable with talking to the opposite sex. He didn't know why he was so bad at it. For several years he had put it down to them being a hell of a lot more attractive than he was, but after he choked up around Polly Holden, Thickie Holden's inept, spotty, drooly little sister, he had had to admit that this probably wasn't the reason.  
Before he had time to make a full-blown assessment of the situation, Lister spoke up, "Are you feeling OK?"  
Nicole nodded. Her head hurt a little, her throat was killing her, and she had a funny pain in her right hand, but other than that she felt great. She propped herself up a little on her pillow and yawned.  
"Do you want us to go?" asked Lister.  
"No, no," Nicole insisted, "I'm glad of the company." She gave a small laugh which surprised everyone, "and I suppose I'd better get used to your company. I'm gonna be stuck with it for the rest of my life." Everyone stared at her in shock, not knowing whether this was a joke or not. Then she started laughing again, and so did everyone else, relieved that she was taking this lightheartedly.  
A wave of tiredness flooded over her and she started to drift off again. She vaguely noticed that Rimmer had had a uniform change before she was submerged into unconsciousness.

When she woke again, the trio was still watching over her. All seemed determined to have the first word.  
"How are you?" They all said in unison.  
Nicole, a little overwhelmed by their fervor, just nodded. Her headache had completely gone now and her throat was definitely better, but the weird pain in her right hand hadn't depreciated at all. Before she had time to voice this, however, Kryten entered the room at a pace.  
"Mister Rimmer, sir?" the hologram turned round to face the mechanoid, "I have picked up a derelict on the scanners, sir. I was wondering if you would care to join me in a little scavenging hunt, after all, we two are the only imperishable crew members, sir."  
Rimmer was paralyzed with indecision. Normally he would have said, "Stop your blithering, Kryten, just go without me," prompting Lister to have a rant about his cowardliness. But he couldn't do that in front of Nicole, it would be too humiliating. He summoned up all his strength and replied, "OK, Kryters, I'll just go and get the bazookoids."  
"You cowardly little--" Lister automatically began before he realised what Rimmer had just said. "What!?"  
"I'll go," Rimmer said in what he hoped was a nonchalant tone, "Come on, Krytie!" Lister and the Cat watched, speechless as he left the room with Kryten.

As she watched him go, Nicole noticed the pain in her right hand was diminishing. Then she realised that Rimmer had been holding her hand all that time. "Aw, how sweet!" was her last thought before she floated off to sleep again.

**A/n: **I haven't really got much to say on this chapter. I only wrote it because I knew it had to be written at some point and, other than revision, I don't have anything to do. So there you go. Thanks for all the cool reviews, by the way, they are much appreciated. :)


	10. Lying

**Disclaimer: **Nope, hasn't happened yet. I still don't own Red Dwarf. Keep on the edge of your seats, though.

**Author's note: **I am aware that this story is moving rapidly, and this will change after the next few, but if I take these any slower you will be so bored by the end.

The next week, Nicole had fully recovered and was beginning to find her way around the ship, and Lister, Rimmer and Cat were always happy to be the tour guides. Her wariness of all the crewmates had deteriorated. At first she had found them quite forward and intense, but as she got to know them she learned that they were in fact an interesting, endearing and engaging little group of misfits. Over the next fortnight, she was beginning to discover more about their relationships with each other, about their characters and personalities, and about their pasts. With every new piece of information she gained the knowledge of, she felt that bit more enlightened. She even began to feel privileged that fate had chosen for her a lifetime with these five. The others reassured her that in time, that feeling would fade.

It was Lister's turn to take her for a walk that day. He had insisted on privacy and Rimmer was _not _happy about it.  
"That's not fair! You tagged along the last time I took her!"  
"I did not!"  
"Well, there was no way _you _were going to the library of your own free will."  
"I was!"  
"You weren't!"  
"I was!"  
"OK, what book did you read?"  
"Er..." Lister hit a snag.  
"I knew it! You were just ogling her like some Page Three girl!"  
"How dare you accuse me of that! I would never do that to her!"  
"Well, you did."  
"I didn't!"  
"You did!"  
"I didn't!"  
"You did!"  
"I didn't!"  
"You did!"  
"I didn't!"  
"You did!"  
At that point, Nicole entered. "What's going on?"  
Rimmer and Lister froze. There was a healthy silence before one of them spoke up.  
"We were just arguing," Lister said, "over who changed the loo roll before it was used up." He cringed. So did Rimmer. So did Nicole. Nicole was excellent at sniffing out lies. She didn't have to spend long with people to work out what they did when they were lying. In Lister's case it was tugging at his left earlobe with his right hand whilst digging into the ground with his foot as if stubbing out a cigarette.  
"Is that right?" She asked in general. Rimmer rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the floor.  
"Er, yeah. Yeah, it is." He lied. Nicole smiled and shook her head.  
"It doesn't matter. Come on, Lister, let's go," he led her out of the door with a smug glance in Rimmer's direction.

**A/n: **Aaah, poor Rimmer. This chapter is just building up the tension between R&L. Ho hum.


	11. Hormonal Imbalance

**Disclaimer: **_Still _nothing. Maybe I should try writing to them...

**Author's note: **I really love this chapter. The last couple of lines are so sweet.

Rimmer spent that evening worrying. Not just about Lister and Nicole but...well, actually, it _was _just about Lister and Nicole. He really couldn't stand it when she was alone with Lister, it drove him insane. In a way, he wished that they had never rescued Nicole. He had preferred it when it was all of them sexually frustrated. He, Lister and the Cat. But now there was a woman on board, instead of releasing this immense pressure like they had always presumed, the stress had only increased. They were in competition with each other and it made them dislike each other even more, which put even greater strain on Kryten, Holly and Nicole. This had put the ship in jeopardy not long ago, when Holly, too addled with trying to sort out a minor problem between Rimmer and the Cat, almost hadn't noticed they were heading straight for a huge planet at top speed.  
But what Rimmer hated most of all about this situation was that if Lister was with her, it meant he wasn't. And that's what he wanted more than anything; to spend time with Nicole. He loved spending time with her. She somehow made him feel completely at ease, and not just with the people around him, but with himself, too. He loved to talk with her, and not just the talking part of it, he also loved listening. Hearing about her past, laughing along when she talked about the good times, comforting her when she talked about the bad. And every time he dropped her off at her room, his heart broke just that little bit more.

That evening this feeling was so overwhelming he went to the supplies cupboard to talk to Kryten about it.  
"I believe, sir," he began after Rimmer had explained his predicament, "that you are suffering from a hormonal imbalance induced by Miss Adler."  
Rimmer stopped pacing and faced the mechanoid in confusion, "A hormonal what?"  
"Imbalance, sir."  
"What's one of them when it's at home?" He started pacing again as Kryten commenced his explanation.  
"Well, put simply, sir," Kryten said, "it is an imbalancement of your hormones."  
This didn't help Rimmer one bit. "What are you talking about, Droid-rot breath?" he whined, "I'm a hologram, I'm dead. I haven't got hormones any more, therefore they can't possibly be imbalanced."  
Kryten was never one for disagreement, "You're right, sir. It can't be love. It must be another-"  
"What?" Rimmer's head snapped round, "What did you just say?"  
There was a detection in Rimmer's voice that made Kryten hesitant in answering, but he knew he was going to anyway. "I was just saying, sir, you couldn't possibly be in love if you have no hormones. I just assumed, in my idiotic android way, that your light-bee had some sort of hormone simulation unit."

Rimmer stared straight ahead. He had died; he had fallen out with his own clone; he had secretly been given 8 months of someone else's memory; he had watched Lister successfully pot a planet into a white hole; but _this_ had come as a real shock. He had never been in love before, and he had presumed that he never would. That he never could.  
"You have to have made a mistake," he said monotonously.  
"Of course, sir." Kryten said simply. But he knew he was right. They both did.

**A/n: **OK, enough of Rimmer, there's a late-coming Cat scene coming up :) yay!


	12. Smooth, with a capital smoo

**Disclaimer: **Don't you know yet? I _don't _own Red Dwarf! Or any of the characters! I wasn't even born when it was first aired!

**Author's note: **I really quite enjoyed writing this chapter. Especially Cat's bit. Reviews have kinda dried up. Even if you've already reviewed, please do it again! I love it when I open my emails and there's one saying 'Review Alert.' (Sad? Yes.)

Cats can lay silently for hours, watching and waiting for their prey. They sit and stare at one space until something comes along that they can claim as theirs. Hunched up on the top shelf of the munitions cabinet, Cat was doing just this. His eyes fixed on the door to the corridor, Cat gently maneuvered himself to a more comfortable and more convenient position. He licked his dry lips tentatively. Two hours passed. A fly buzzed somewhere further down the corridor. Cat's super-sensitive ears twitched with curiosity. He sniffed the air and readied himself. He wriggled effortlessly into a better poise. Still he stared intensely at the doorway.

Meanwhile, Lister was having a great time showing Nicole round the ship, thinking of Rimmer sitting in their room all by himself, wallowing in self-pity. He had taken her to the library again, (he really didn't understand the urge she possessed to go to that place, but if it meant being close to her, he was willing to do anything) then to Parrot's Bar for a couple of drinks before a brief, but exciting, spot of star-gazing in the Observation Dome, where she had accidentally brushed her hand against his, sparking a rush of electricity in his arm.  
"We should get going," Nicole said, bringing Lister out of his daydream with a start.  
"Wuh, yeah, yeah I guess," he mumbled clumsily. He escorted her out of the Observation Dome and they started to make their way down the corridor.  
When the reached the doorway, Lister pressed his hand against the light-sensative panel, and it slid open with a harsh hiss. In one movement, Cat launched himself off the shelf, landed smoothly on the deck, did two complete forward rolls, stood up, took Nicole's hand in his, and leant on a ridge in the wall with his elbow.  
"Hey, baby" he said charmingly, and he kissed the hand in his grip softly. Nicole seemed amused. Lister didn't.  
"Jesus, Cat, you nearly gave me a smegging heart attack!" he said, clutching his chest with one hand and his forehead with the other, "You could have given some warning that you were gonna jump on us!"  
"Oh, come on, Lister," Nicole reasoned with a giggle, "It's just his way."  
"Oh, yeah? Well his way is deranged!" Lister retorted.  
"So how are you?" Cat asked, but before she could respond he continued, "I'm feeling groovy tonight, babe. Groovy and ready for love," he leaned in close to her, "how about it?"  
She tried hard to maintain a straight face, but eventually the laughter overpowered her.  
"I'm sorry!" she said through gulps of air, "For a minute there it sounded like you were hitting on me!"  
"I was." Cat stated. Nicole suddenly sobered.  
"Oh. Sorry. Um..."  
Lister saved her, "Just ignore 'im. He's been without female company for quite some time. It's sent 'im off the rails a bit."  
Suddenly Nicole felt sympathetic, the first time she had done so towards the Cat, "Oh, poor you. How long has it been?"  
"His entire life." Lister said in a mock state of compassion. Cat's face scrunched with embarrassment. Being a cat, he had to end this conversation with as much pride as possible.  
"Hey, it's not that long! I mean, if you look at the history of the universe..."  
"Give it up, Cat," Nicole said, gently. He slinked away, beaten. His spirits were greatly uplifted, however, when Nicole called after him, "I like your suit."

**A/n: **If you hadn't noticed, Nicole has become somewhat of a focal point for almost everyone, and I've just put Cat out of the running, so you know what that means....Rimmer and Lister in direct competition. Oh dear.  
P.S. Holly and Kryten may make more appearances soon...  
P.P.S. I hope to round this story up as quickly as possible, because I have thought of a killer sequel.


	13. Rimmer's day with Nicole

**Disclaimer: **Nope, I still don't own Red Dwarf or any of it's characters. So there you go.

**Author's note: **My longest chapter so far, and definitely the most fun to write with the possible exception of Chapter 2.

Rimmer sprang out of bed. Today was _his _day with Nicole, and he wasn't going to waste it by doing anything as trivial and unnecessary as _sleeping_. True, it was midnight and it was highly unlikely that she would even be up, especially considering Lister had just got in from his day with her a couple of hours ago. But he wanted to be prepared in case...anything happened. Which he sincerely hoped it would. He went to the mirror and stood up straight. He pulled back his shoulders, stuck out his chest and clenched his buttocks, before launching into a series of well-worn and overly-obvious facial expressions, in an effort to practice his 'sexy' look.  
"You might want to keep practicing, Rimsy," said a little voice in his head. Rimmer sighed and shook his head. Suddenly he found it incredibly difficult to keep his eyes open and he yawned heavily. His eyes couldn't help but wander back to his pillow. Even though right now he was a soft-light hologram and couldn't feel anything, the sight of a lovely, squashy pillow was really appealing. Originally he had wanted to use the time before Nicole woke up to smarten himself up a bit. Take a shower in hard-light form, clean and iron his best blue uniform, maybe even go for a (very) quick jog. But just the thought of doing all those things made him doubly tired, and if he actually performed them, he may even end up looking worse than he already did. He clambered back into bed after deciding that maybe sleeping wasn't as trivial and unnecessary as he had previously thought.

* * *

Lister being out of bed already should have been a BIG clue.  
"Holly, what time is it?" Rimmer asked the blonde head.  
"26.3 degrees centigrade, Arn," she replied confidently.  
"No, Holly," Rimmer corrected her impatiently, "what _time _is it?"  
"Oh. Sorry. One o' clock, Arnold."  
"In the morning?"  
"No. Afternoon."  
Rimmer was out the door quick as a flash. Then back in again.  
"Holly, dress me!"  
She did so with a cheeky grin.  
"Nicole's in her room still," said Holly as he saw Rimmer about to ask her the question. Rimmer was startled.  
"How did you know...?"  
Holly gave a facial expression equivalent to a shrug, "Just did. But I'd get there quick. Lister's headed in the same direction."  
"Thanks, Hol."  
And as quick as Kryten'll jump at the chance of folding sheets, Rimmer was out of the door for the second time in sixty seconds.

As it turned out, Lister wasn't going to Nicole's room, but to Blue Giant Bar for a couple of drinks with the Cat. This actually greatly annoyed Rimmer who had ran the entire way to her room. All twenty-six floors of it. To discover he'd gone the wrong way and had to repeat the trip backwards. To discover Lister wasn't there and all the running had been for nothing. To discover hot, sweaty, puffy men _aren't _what women--especially Nicole--were looking for.  
"Rimmer? What happened?" she said as she opened the door to let him in. Too exhausted to reply, Rimmer simply waved his hand and shook his head in a dismissive way.  
"OK," Nicole said uneasily, "Um, do you wanna come in? I'll just be five minutes getting ready."  
"No, that's OK," Rimmer found his voice at last, although it was throatier and shakier than he would have liked, "I think I'll just..."  
He leaned against the wall with one hand and put the other on his knee. Whilst Nicole finished getting ready, he tried his best to catch his breath and steady his nerves. Things weren't going well, and the only thing that was going to carry him through this date was a cool head, a calm attitude, and suave sophistication. He was determined to end the evening with at least one of these intact.

The day wasn't exactly a disaster, but it could have been better. Rimmer had planned to take her to the ship's cinema to see 'The Secret Garden,' her all-time favourite film, only to find Kryten had traded it to GELFs for supplies. So instead he took her to Parrot's Bar for a drink, only to find all the taps were dry (evidently alcohol wasn't one of the things Kryten had traded 'The Secret Garden' for). After trying, and failing, to get Blue Midget started up to take her moon hopping, Rimmer gave up.  
"I'm sorry," he said as they made their way back to Parrot's, "This isn't going very well, is it?"  
Nicole just laughed, "Actually, I'm having fun!"  
"Really?" Rimmer said after a pause to check for sarcasm.  
"Yeah! I mean, all those embarrassing stories about Lister were hilarious! Thinking a backwards universe was Bulgaria, being a foot-tall superhuman, falling out with his own clone," Rimmer winced. He'd run out of funny anecdotes about Lister, so took one of his own and changed the name, "The Space Mumps..." she trailed off and started laughing again. To his astonishment, Rimmer found himself laughing too.  
"He did look like an idiot. I think I've got some pictures somewhere," he said as he opened the door to the bar.  
"Oh you _have _to show me!"  
Was she doing what he thought she was doing? Was she...was she asking for, or at least hinting at, another day spent with him? Rimmer smiled for the thousandth time that night. They both got drinks (water) and sat down. Rimmer was really surprising himself; conversation was in full flow and he didn't feel awkward at all.  
"So, what about you?" Nicole asked, "Any tales of terror of your own?"  
_About a million_, he thought to himself.  
"A couple," he said, vaguely.  
"Go on then."  
Rimmer hesitated. He wasn't sure their relationship had developed enough to tell her about the holo-virus, or going to meet the girls on the Nova V, or wiping out an entire planet's population, or Captain Smug-Git himself, Ace Rimmer.  
"If you don't want to tell me," Nicole was suddenly serious, "that's OK."  
Rimmer smiled yet again. He began:  
"So it was a few months ago, and we found this woman called Doctor Lanstrom..."

**A/n: **Phew!

P.S. I've planned the rest of this fanfic and it's in the region of.......22 chapters! Although it could change, all those with a short attention span just don't bother reading any more!


	14. Lister's day with Nicole

**Disclaimer: **I'm running out of ways to say it: I DON'T own Red Dwarf. I DON'T own Arnold Judas Rimmer. I DON'T own David Lister. I DON'T own the Cat. I DON'T own Kryten 2x4b 523p. I DON'T own Holly. I DON'T own Kristine Z. Kochanski. I DON'T own Captain Frank Hollister. I DO, however, own Nicole Adler, Judith Adler, Lizzie, Kelly, the carol singers etc. Happy now? 'Cos I've just been made about 400 percent more depressed.

**Author's note: **OK, enough whinging. This is where the story kicks in (at chapter 14. yeah.) But yeah, I do like this chapter. Maybe could have been better. I _did _write the last paragraph after a few Bacardi Breezers but I decided to transmit it anyway.

Lister sat up in bed as Rimmer entered.  
"How'd it go?" he asked before he'd even stepped in the door. Rimmer looked at him.  
"Fine," he responded simply. This antagonized Lister. Why did Rimmer always have to be so vague?  
"What d'ya do?" he persisted. Rimmer shrugged.  
"Just...stuff." He looked at himself in the mirror and barely recognized the hologram staring back. He was a new man. He was less uptight, more carefree, and he sort of glowed. He pulled back his shoulders and smiled. Nicole was right. His whole face _did _light up when he smiled.  
"What're you smiling at?" Lister said almost snappily. Rimmer looked at him again.  
"Nothing," He stated and turned away, "Holly? Soft-light form and pyjamas, please." He faded a little and reappeared in his 'Home sweet home' jammies. He clambered into bed, avoiding Lister's overpowering stare. Both of them lay still for half an hour. They hardly dared to breathe.  
Finally Lister cracked: "WHAT HAPPENED!?" Rimmer gave a start as he was brought hurtling back from his daydream about Nicole.  
"What?"  
"What happened? I need to know!" Lister whinged.  
"What?" Rimmer repeated, "What are you, fifteen?"  
"No, I just want to know if you...if she...if you did...well, because you were in hard-light form...you...y-you know."  
"No, Lister, I don't know." Rimmer said, honestly not knowing what Lister meant.  
"Did you two...erm..." he struggled for words that would be both challenging and tasteful, "did you..."  
"What, Lister?"  
Lister gave up on the subtle route, "Did you have sex? Did you make love? Sleep together, hit the springs, rock the casbah, hump, screw, bang--"  
"STOP, Lister!" Rimmer interjected forcefully, amazed at the lexicon Lister had for 'sex', "Look," he continued with the air of one bringing a conversation to a close, "What happened between Nicole and I tonight will remain between Nicole and I..."

"They went to the cinema," Holly told Lister the next morning whilst Rimmer was out on his early morning jog at two thirty in the afternoon, "to see 'The Secret Garden'," Lister grinned. He had tried to do the same thing a week ago, and he knew Rimmer would have had all the success that he had.  
"Then what?" he pressed Holly on.  
"Did Rimmer really give you permission to ask me all this?" Holly asked skeptically. Lister nodded fervently.  
"Yeah. Course."  
Holly pursed her lips in suspicion, but continued anyway - even if Rimmer hadn't given him permission, well, it was only Rimmer.  
"So then they went to Parrot's Bar..."

* * *

__

_Knock, knock.  
_Lister took one last look at himself in the mirror. He licked one of his thumbs and smoothed down his eyebrows.  
"What're you doing that for?" Rimmer's nasal voice came from the bottom bunk. Lister shrugged. He didn't see the need of doing it either, but he had seen it in a sexy film once so decided to try it out. He walked to the door and took a deep breath. He tapped the light-sensitive panel and the door slip open to reveal Nicole standing there in an elegant yet casual jeans-silver top combo. Lister smiled. Rimmer scowled.  
"Ready?" she asked.  
_No_, thought Rimmer, _I'll never be ready to see you go off with _him  
"Yes," Lister replied and held out his arm, indicating for her to go.  
"Bye, Rimmer," she quickly shot at the hologram. He contorted his frown into what he hoped was a warm smile. But she didn't see it. She was too busy looking at Lister. Rimmer covered his soft-light face with his soft-light hands and sighed heavily.

Nicole cupped her hands over Lister's. Lister looked down in shock.  
"Stop fidgeting!" she said playfully. Lister forced a small laugh. He had never been so nervous in his entire life.  
"Is there something wrong?" Nicole asked, genuinely concerned. Lister shook his head which would have convinced Nicole if he hadn't have been tapping on the table, jiggling his leg and toying with his dreadlocks. She grasped the hand she had seized and looked into his eyes, which was hard and actually quite painful considering Lister was changing his focus of vision to every direction but hers.  
"Lister?" He warily turned to face her, "What's wrong?"  
"Nothing," he said to the floor.  
"Lister?" her famous patience was wearing thin, "Please just tell me."  
_If only I could_, he thought, _That would make both our lives a smeg of a lot easier_.  
"It's nothing." He repeated, this time to her face.  
"Clearly it's not! Clearly it's something so major you've barely spoken to me all night!"  
"It's nothing, really!"  
_Stop talking, _please _stop talking.  
_"If something's happened I want to know. If you won't tell me then I'll guess," she persevered.  
"You won't guess it," he said plaintively.  
"Aha! So, something _is _wrong!" she triumphed.  
_Smeg.  
_"Yeah but...it's nothing." He concluded feebly.  
"Tell me!" she really wasn't going to let this go, "tell me!" she sang, "tell me!" she started lightheartedly nudging and poking him, "tell me!"  
"Kiss me."  
She opened her mouth to say 'tell me' once more, but froze.  
"Wha--"  
Her words were smothered by a kiss. It was a shock to say the least. Neither of them could really believe what was happening. Lister tentatively placed his hand on the back of her head and pulled her closer to him. For a long time she didn't respond, but eventually, to his delight, she kissed him back.

**A/n: **Poor Rimsy. He thought it was bad when she _looked_ at him.... I think I'm gonna have a lot of fun writing the next chapter! Please R&R. They're kinda runnig dry again.


	15. The Fourth Date and Nightmare

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Red Dwarf or any of it's characters. (There we go. Short and sweet!)

**Author's note: **The two Rimmer scenes were easy to write. The Lister/Nicole scene...not so much. That's why it may seem a bit....bitty. Anyway. Please R&R!

He would have had to have killed himself for Rimmer to have taken the news worse. And it wasn't that he was in love with her - of course he wasn't - it was just that it was _Lister_. Lister was the last man alive. He was popular with Kryten, Holly and the Cat. He had a proper body. Rimmer had none of those things. In fact he _more_ than had none of these things. He wasn't the last man alive; he wasn't alive at all. He wasn't popular with Kryten, Holly and the Cat; he was despised by them. He didn't have a proper body; he was a hologram. Now Lister had Nicole, and he didn't; that was the hardest pill to swallow. And to pour salt into the wound, he had voices all around him saying, "Did you hear? Lister and Nicole are an item. Isn't it _wonderful_?" "It most certainly is. I always thought I saw a spark between them!"  
But he was strong. He convinced himself that seeing them together wouldn't be so bad. After all, it made them both happy, and despite Kryten's numerous remarks, he most certainly was not in love with her.  
After a couple of days spent alone away from the rest of the crew, he re-emerged. He walked steadily down to his quarters, concentrating on every step. It would be fine. If he saw them he would just smile, nod and try to see the good side. He repeated this over in his head countless times before he was able to put it into practice as he turned a corner and saw them. Even now he could describe every detail; how she was wearing her hair; how his jacket was on his left shoulder, slipping off his right; how she was holding his hand; how he had his arm wrapped tightly around her body; how happy they seemed. Rimmer took a deep shuddering breath and blinked back the tears. He didn't smile, nod and try to see the good side. Instead he turned and ran.

"These are for you," Lister said to Nicole producing a bouquet of flowers.  
"Oh, they're gorgeous, Dave! Thank you!" She tried to take them from him but her hand went straight through them, sending a weird electronic buzz up her arm.  
"Erm," Lister began anxiously, "They're actually hologrammatic flowers. You can only hold them right at the bottom."  
"Ah, I see."  
"Anyway, are you ready?" he went on, pressing a button so the bothersome flowers disappeared.  
"Yeah," she said taking his hand.  
Once it got going, she couldn't deny the fourth date went quite well. Dave was really sweet and kind and considerate, although she sort of wished he could learn to chew with his mouth closed. And speak with his mouth empty.  
"Nikki? You OK?" he asked her at dinner, spraying bits of mutton vindaloo over her.  
"Yeah," she said distractedly, wiping the curry off her skirt with her napkin.  
"Are you sure? You seem a bit..."  
Nicole looked up at him, "A bit what?"  
Lister shrugged and broke off a piece of poppadom, "Sidetracked."  
Nicole rested her head on her left hand and tapped her knife on the table with her right, "I'm just...do you think...would it be OK..."  
"Do these sentences actually have endings?"  
Nicole smiled, "Yeah, I'm just feeling a little...perplexed."  
"How come?" Lister asked delicately. Nicole hesitated. Could she really tell him?  
"Is it me?" he asked with an excruciatingly anxious puppy-dog face.  
"No," she said firmly and truthfully. Although none of this was his fault, she really hadn't been in the mood for a night out with Dave. She had seen Rimmer earlier and she couldn't help but notice the strange look he was giving her. She had only had that look twice before, once from her mother after a night drinking; once from her ex-boyfriend on their second date. That meant that either Rimmer hated her...or loved her. Her confusion was three-fold: she couldn't work out which it was; if it was hate, why did he hate her; and if it was love...well, it made her throat close up to think about it.  
"You don't want to know. Really," she said dismissively, "Let's talk about something else."  
"No, come on, tell me."  
"Oh, Dave, please let it go!"  
"Just tell me!"  
"I don't--"  
"What can be so bad? Tell me!"  
Nicole remembered the last time she had heard so many "tell me's"-- it had been her saying them just before Lister had kissed her. This thought danced around her mind for a long time whilst Dave started his sixth curry. He had told her his feelings back then, why shouldn't she return the favour?  
"Nikki, look, I've seen a number of things. Space monsters, emotion-sucking leeches, Kryten as a human. Think you can tell me something that'll shock me? Try me."  
"I think Rimmer's in love with me."

Needless to say, Lister was shocked.

* * *

Rimmer woke with a start from his terrifying dream.  
He had been walking along Red Dwarf's corridors when he found Lister and Nicole making love. He had turned and ran accompanied by heckles from Lister: "That's right, run! Turn and run away! Don't face up to what you know is true! Run away! Story of your life, mate!" The room went dark and more voices echoed, repeating Lister's words. He recognized them. It was his mother. And his father. And two of his brothers. Their faces materialized as if smeared on the walls. "No one likes you! No one likes you! You're a disgrace to the name 'Rimmer!' Turn off your hologram, make this universe a better place! No one likes you!" More voices joined in. Kryten. And the Cat. And Holly. Rimmer shut his eyes tight to block out the hideousness, but only found that the scary image was imprinted on his brain like a photograph. He opened them again and suddenly, John, his eldest brother, appeared from nowhere and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's OK, Arnold. It's OK. Everything will be fine." Fire soared up behind him and hovered in the air. John's gentle touch became more like a death grip. Rimmer found himself thrown to the ground and John joined the chanting: "No one likes you. No one likes you. No one likes you. No one likes you." There was a blinding stream of light and a familiar voice said, "I like you." Nicole stepped out of the light and everything disappeared. The fire, the voices, the faces, the intense fear. Everything bad went away. She stepped over to him and put her arms around his shoulders. She kissed his arms and his shoulders; his neck; his cheek; and finally his lips. When they broke apart she whispered, "I'm here," before vanishing.  
Rimmer woke with a start from his terrifying dream.  
He breathed heavily. Not that he hadn't had that dream several times before - it had just never ended like that. _Oh no_, he thought, wiping the computer simulated sweat from his brow, _Oh smegging hell, no! _He couldn't bring himself to believe it but he knew it was true. Kryten was right. He loved her.

**A/n: **Intrigued? I bet you are. Next chapter should come within the next couple of days. Bit snowed under with coursework at the mo (so much so I've been having a few "Chapter 9's") But the half term's coming up (YAY!) so I have a lot of free time on my hands. I may even finish the story....I may even start the next.....

Watch this space........


	16. Confrontation and Drunk

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Red Dwarf.

**Author's note: **This moves the story along a lot, now. I had quite a bit of trouble writing this chapter and the next, as originally they were going to be one chapter, but as it ran into its sixth page I thought I'd better split it up, which was very annoying as some of the lines in the next chapter could so easily have been used in this one and had a really good effect (and vice versa).

Lister stormed angrily down the corridor in the direction of his room. He knew Rimmer would be there; at least, he hoped Rimmer would be there. He couldn't quite believe that that weasel of a smeghead of a man was in love with his, Dave Lister's, girlfriend. What was even more unbelievable was that she seemed to have to think about it. What was there to think about!? Wasn't he loving and devoted and caring and sweet and tender and altogether _better _than Rimmer? He was so filled with rage; he didn't think he'd ever been as angry in his entire 26 years. He knew there wasn't much of a chance of Rimmer actually doing anything about his feelings - he'd seen arachnophobics less scared of spiders than Rimmer was of commitment - but he had to make certain it didn't happen; even if there wasn't much of a chance, it didn't mean there wasn't a chance at all.  
Rimmer walked uneasily down the corridor in the direction of Binary Star, a little used bar. He knew that Lister would be there; at least, he hoped Lister would be there. After much battling with his conscience he had decided to tell him how he felt about Nicole. He had come up with plenty of reasons not to tell him - the possibility of erasure being one of the worst - but felt that the arguments in support of telling him were much stronger: if he didn't tell him he'd probably find out some other way; it would take away the pressure that had been grinding him down for far too long now; and who knew, maybe he would even step down and let Rimmer have her (he accepted that this was _extremely_ unlikely).

But before either of them reached their destination they ran into each other in the corridor. They were both a little surprised and it took them a while to start talking. Lister spoke first:  
"What do you think you're doing going and falling in love with me girlfriend?"  
Rimmer began his plea, "Please just let me..." but then realised what Lister had just said, "What?"  
"You heard me!"  
Rimmer was overwhelmed by confusion, "Did I already tell you?"  
"So it _is_ true..." Lister drifted off. First he had been mad at Rimmer because Nikki _believed_ he was in love with her. Now he was shocked from the confirmation. The whole thing had gone so swiftly, yet so much had been confessed and it mutually scared them. Both of them stood frozen to the spot, staring at the floor, neither daring to move. Lister was, again, first to act when he realised he hadn't taken a breath for a frightening length of time. He drew in air quickly and shakily. Rimmer glanced nervously at him and felt an enormous amount of anxiety hit him.  
"I'm...gonna go," he said. Lister just nodded slowly, not looking up. Rimmer turned and went back to his room. Lister turned and went back to Binary Star.

* * *

Nicole waited for two and a half hours before giving up. She pulled out her earrings and tossed them aside; she pulled the three hairclips out of her hair and let it hang loose; she pulled the incredibly tight and uncomfortable heels off her feet and threw them to the other side of the room. She lay on her bed. She'd only ever had one fifth date before with her second ever boyfriend, Terry Worth. She had really thought he was the one, until she caught him making out with her, supposed, best friend. It had really hurt her. Thanks to her bitchy sister Judith, who was always putting her down and sapping away her confidence, people who Nicole could count as friends were few and far between. True, she had been away from home for seven months at that time, but that underlying distrust was still present and she firmly believed that was what had turned Terry away from her. Now it was happening again. Dave was now three hours late for their fifth date.  
Another long hour passed before she heard a knock at the door.  
"Holly?"  
"Yes?"  
"Who is it outside my door?"  
Holly's image dissolved away to reappear a second later, "Dave."  
Nicole sighed and pulled herself onto her bare feet. She went to the door and opened it and was instantly hit by the smell of alcohol. She shielded her nose with her hand.  
"God! No need to ask where you've been!"  
"I've been at the Binary Shtar," he slurred, "for a couple of drinkies with the Cat. Except Cat wasn't there. So I drank his drinks!" he doubled up as he descended into a fit of giggles. Nicole remained stony faced.  
"You said you'd take me to the arboretum tonight," she said impatiently.  
"The arboretriaminum...what?" Lister was _very_ drunk.  
"Forget it. I'll see you tomorrow."  
"Why put off 'til tomorrow," he said wavering as he straightened up and threw out his arms, "what you can have now?"  
"Because it's pissed."  
"Whassat s'posed to mean?" Lister became defensive.  
"Dave, you're completely wasted!"  
"Am not!"  
"Yes, you are," she assured him.  
"Am not!"  
"You are!"  
"Not, not, not!"  
"OK, I am not going to be brought down to this level," she said and took his arm, "just go back to your room, sober up, and I'll see you in the morning." She put extra emphasis on the last six words. He shook off her grip.  
"But I don't wanna go!" he whinged.  
"Sorry, Dave, but that's not your choice," she said trying to control his flailing arm.  
"If you really can't stand to be around me," Lister continued childishly, "Then why don't _you_ leave?"  
"Because it's my room!"

"So? As far as I can see," which wasn't more than four feet in front if him according to Nicole's reckoning, "the only thing that's stopping you leaving is my incredibly charming and seductive sexual magnetism." He started giggling again. In his opinion, his best chat-up lines were spoken when he was completely trashed, "Face it, bitch, you can't get enough of me!" This came out a little more brusquely than he had hoped for, but he was too inebriated to notice.

"Dave, you're actually starting to offend me now. Please just go."  
"Why don't you go?" he challenged. She was beginning to consider it. "Why don't you go see lover boy?"  
"If you mean Rimmer, I think I just might!"  
And with that she stormed out of the room. She strode to Rimmer's quarters, not even knowing if she was going the right way. She wiped away the hot tears streaming down her face. She finally located the familiar door and rapped on it. 

**A/n: **Poor Nikki. Let's hope Rimmer can cheer her up......


	17. Hold me for a little while

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Red Dwarf or any of it's characters (how many more times?)

**Author's note: **I really, really, really, really, really, really love this chapter....but any criticism welcome! This is what you've been waiting for. You knew it was coming. Well here it is....

Rimmer put down his book in annoyance. He knew Nicole and Lister would be well into their date by now and he wasn't in the mood to see _anyone_ right now.  
"Holly?"  
The flaxen computer appeared on the screen, clearly annoyed at being disturbed yet again.  
"What do you want now?"  
"Can you convert me to soft-light, please?"  
She did so.  
"Can I go now?"  
"Um..."  
Holly sighed with intolerance.  
"Yes, go."  
Rimmer didn't have a clue why he had just done that. Maybe he had thought that if he kept himself busy long enough the unwelcome visitor would leave. As a knock came to the door again he realised that they didn't have the same feelings as Holly. Whereas she wanted to leave as soon as possible, whoever this was wanted to come in desperately. He opened the door unwillingly to find Nicole standing there, her face red, her hair tousled, her make-up running.  
"Dave and I have had an argument." She managed to squeak out before spiraling into uncontrollable sobs. Rimmer was in turmoil. Now what was he going to do? Crying women were one of his all time greatest nightmares--and the fact it was Nicole made it ten times worse. He had two conflicting instincts: one was to fling his arms around her and never let her go; one was to turn tail run as fast as he could. Using the foolproof method of 'Ippy Dippy, My Spaceshippy' he picked one.  
"Holly?"  
She didn't come.  
"Holly!"  
Still nothing.  
"_Holly!_"  
"Oh, what now!?"  
"Convert me to hard-light, quickly."  
"But you just said..!" She was in such disbelief she was practically into ultrasound.  
"Just do it!"  
She noticed Nicole for the first time and immediately understood.  
"Yes, of course Arnold. Sorry."  
She threw on his hard-light projection unit and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.  
"Shh, it's gonna be OK." He reassured her. She took a deep shuddering breath and buried her face in his chest. He took his free hand and stroked her hair gently. He knew she was angry and upset, and that that was what he should be thinking about, but he couldn't help but notice how comfortable he was. He had never been this close to her for this long before. He hugged her tighter. "Everything's gonna be fine."  
"OK," came the muffled reply. He released her a little and allowed her to break away from him.  
"What do you want to do?" he asked her.  
"Can you...can you just hold me for a little while?" she sniffed.  
Rimmer nodded, "Yes, of course. Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable sitting down?" Nicole nodded and sighed.

He led her over to his bunk with a smile and sat next to her. He put his arms around her again. She nuzzled into him and closed her eyes. Rimmer prayed to God that Nicole couldn't feel his heart rate as it was about the same as a man who had just completed a fifty-mile sprint. Once she had calmed down he asked her a question which had been bugging him almost since she first stepped into the room.  
"Why did you come to me?"  
Nicole looked up at him, "How do you mean?"  
"Why me? You know, with our...history."  
Nicole shrugged. Honestly, she hadn't really thought about it. Rimmer had just somehow seemed the obvious choice: Cat wouldn't care; Holly would be too annoyed at being disturbed to be compassionate; Kryten's guilt/understanding compassion replica was highly questionable; and Dave...well, he was out of the question. And besides, Rimmer was nice. He was gracious, and listened to her.  
"Didn't matter to me," she replied truthfully, "I just needed to see a friendly face."  
She looked into the eyes of that friendly face and saw it. She saw everything. All the passion, all the conflict, all the history. She could read it all in his eyes.  
"What?" Rimmer said, jolting Nicole out of her trance.  
"N-nothing."  
It wasn't nothing. Next thing she knew, she had pounced on him and started kissing him. Suddenly everything made sense for both of them. Everything that had happened in their lives fell into place in a similar fashion to that of students falling into line when the teacher blows the whistle. They understood. They were meant for each other.

**A/n:** I've been wanting to write that chapter for SO long, you have no idea how good it feels!


	18. It's only just the beginning

**Disclaimer: **I'm getting smegging sick of this: I don't own Red Dwarf or anything to do with it (except the mouse pad I mentioned earlier. Oh, and series I-IV on DVD.)

**Author's note: **I love this chapter even more than the last one. A lot of nice descriptive passages coming up.....

It was all very confusing. They each remembered every detail. He remembered how she had flung her arms round his neck and kissed him passionately; how she had taken off his jacket with one hand; the way she rubbed her foot up his leg. She remembered how he had been fairly rigid and unresponsive at the beginning, but sunk into it; how he had been gentle and considerate and yet still given her wild, manic sex; the way he had shouted 'Geronimo' every three and a half minutes. They remembered every detail. Yet, neither Nicole nor Rimmer could quite work out how they ended up in the shower.  
Nicole was lying in his arms in his bunk. She found it quite remarkable how just a little contented sigh from him made her feel on top of the world. After sex with Dave, a sigh from him was usually followed by "Could have been better, couldn't it?"  
_Oh my God_, she suddenly thought, _Dave!_

For the first time in his life, Rimmer was happy. Really, genuinely happy. The list of the number of women he had had sex with had just increased by one, making a grand total of...three. But he didn't care about that figure. Just the fact that Nicole was one of the women made his list seem full to bursting. Besides the fact that it was _Nicole_ he had just made love to, she was the best he had ever had. He didn't kid himself, the other two weren't _bad_, it was just...Yvonne McGruder. Lovely woman, but the sex had been...well, fantastic, frankly, but it was also a little sudden and rushed. Nirvanah Crane. Again, lovely person, and the sex hadn't been as sudden or rushed, but he couldn't help but feel it was a little forced, what with the whole 'twice daily' rule they had had aboard the Enlightenment. But Nicole. She was so sweet and sensitive, and there was a certain innocence about her that was tremendously attractive. And all of that came across whilst they made love, but there was also a reassuring sense of experience that contradicted the naivety, and made her all the more enchanting. To put it simply, she wasn't going to be forgotten in a hurry!

Suddenly, Rimmer felt Nicole tense up, and her body heat noticeably increased.  
"What's up?" he asked.  
"Arnie? What did we just do?" she asked, panicked. A silence greeted her, "I mean, not that I don't know what we just did, but how did it happen?"  
Rimmer shook his head. It was a good question. And, honestly, he didn't know the answer. One minute he had been holding her in his arms, comforting her, the next she was tearing his clothes off.  
"Oh God," Nicole said covering her face with one hand.  
"What?"  
"I can't believe we just did that. Anything could have happened! Someone could have walked in on us! Smeg, someone could walk in on us right now!"  
She sat up and tried to get out of the bed but Rimmer held her gently back.  
"No, no, it's OK, no one will find us" he swore to her, "Door Lock."  
A metallic chink told them the door had been locked.  
Nicole took a moment to calm herself down.  
"What have I done?" she said distantly. Rimmer ran his hand up and down one of her arms.  
"It's OK, Nikki," he said softly. He put his other hand on her other shoulder and kissed her cheek. He brought his hands round to her front and hugged her tightly. She allowed him to continue kissing her neck and shoulders until she realised what was happening. She got up suddenly, grabbing a robe and hastily wrapping it round herself.  
"No!" she protested, "No, no, no! We can't!"  
"I don't see why not."  
"Er, hello?" she retorted sarcastically, "I'm supposed to be in a relationship here! Oh my God, I've just cheated on someone! Oh my God, I'm my sister! Oh my God..."  
The room started spinning. She had the same lightheadedness she had had the day she had emerged from the stasis capsule and seen the crew for the first time. She was having another panic attack.

But she didn't pass out. Rimmer made sure of it. He leapt out of bed the instant he saw she was in trouble and put a comforting hard-light arm around her. He tried to offer words of encouragement as well, but for some reason he could only manage to get out "Shh," and, "OK."

* * *

He came back from the bathroom with a glass of water. She took it from him and sipped at it. He smoothed down a strand of her hair which had flown away during the attack. The feel of his light touch calmed her even more.  
"Try and keep your breathing steady," he told her. After her first panic attack all those months ago, he had read up on them so he could be prepared in an emergency, and even though she hadn't had one for ages, he still remembered a lot of it. She took three deep breaths and had another sip of water.  
"I think I'm OK now."  
"You won't be OK until your heart rate returns to normal," he said feeling her pulse, "and right now it's rocketing."  
She took some more slow, steady breaths. Rimmer picked up a magazine.  
"Here, read this and take your mind off it."  
She shook her head, "I can't read at the moment. I'm too shaky." Rimmer nodded and put the mag down.  
"Could you hold me, please?" she requested.  
"Are you sure?" he said uncertainly, "You remember what happened last time you asked me to do that, right?"  
"Yes. I just...that's what I need right now."  
Hesitantly, Rimmer folded his arms around her shoulders.

"What are we going to do?" she inquired. Rimmer froze. "Oh, come on," she said, "one of us had to bring it up." He supposed she was right. "I suppose the most important question we have to ask ourselves," she continued, "is: Do we tell Dave?"  
"No," came the immediate response, "Not yet, anyway. It's too soon. I don't know about you but I've only just got over the fact that you even considered sleeping with me."  
She couldn't help but giggle. But he was right. It was far too soon to tell Dave. There was a long, and slightly awkward pause before Rimmer brought up another subject he had been avoiding all night.  
"So...what about us?"  
"What about us?"  
"Well, you know...where do we go from here?"  
"I'm not quite sure I'm following you."  
"I mean, is this going to continue or is it just, you know, a one night wonder?"  
Nicole smiled again. He could be exceedingly sweet.  
"Well," she began, "There's no denying, tonight was pretty wondrous. But I think it's just as clear that this isn't over. It's only just beginning."  
Rimmer's heart jumped. Nicole looked at the clock and was startled to see it was quarter past four in the morning.  
"Smegging hell, I have to go!" she exclaimed getting up and pulling her jacket on.  
Rimmer's heart sank, "Do you, really?"  
"Yes, sweetheart, I have to get back before Dave figures out I'm missing."  
Rimmer sighed. Nicole smiled and put her arms around his shoulders.  
"I'll be back tomorrow. Get some rest," she kissed him and whispered into his ear, "I'll be back before you know it." She skipped to the door, "Door Unlock." She said before spinning round and blowing Rimmer a kiss. And then she was out of the door. Rimmer got to his feet and looked around the room. He didn't know what to do with himself now she had gone. He was on too much of a high to go to sleep. He picked up the half-empty glass of water and put it to the side in an attempt to keep busy. It failed dismally. Giving up he crawled into his sheets and closed his eyes. It took him a while but he eventually managed to drift off into unconsciousness with Nikki's words repeating over and over in his head.

_It's only just the beginning!_

**A/n: **Awwwww! Good ol' Rimmer. Sorry to all the Lister fans out there, but I wrote the Lister/Nicole kissing scene during a 'stream of consciousness' then realised three chapters later I didn't want to put it in. But it's OK, 'cos I've thought of a really good story now. Completely different from what was going to happen, but, whatever.


	19. Realisation

**Disclaimer: **(I'm actually having a lot of fun with these disclaimers!) I do not own Red Dwarf. (Hm. Maybe not.)

**Author's note: **I hate making Lister seem like a horrible drunk bastard - I love him really! Cat and Kryten _will _make appearances later on, I swear to God! In fact, in the next fanfic I'm planning, they both have fairly major parts. When I say 'fairly major' I mean they have two of the main stories....

Nicole needn't have bothered rushing to get back to her room; Lister had left a long time ago to go back to the bar and drink the place dry. She considered going back to Rimmer, but decided against it - she could easily run into Lister on the way. Sure enough, five minutes later, when Nicole had just gotten into bed, Lister stumbled into the room. He mumbled something incomprehensible. Nicole pretended to be asleep.  
"Well!?" came a loud, insolent, Liverpudlian shout.  
"Well what?" she answered groggily.  
"What do you say?"  
"Say to what?"  
"The answer to the question of the enquiry of my asking..." Nicole didn't hear any more; she covered her ears up with her pillows. Half an hour later he was still trying to get an answer to the mystery question he had supposedly asked her. She closed her eyes as tight as she could. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

For about two weeks Nicole and Rimmer spent nearly every night together.  
"How'd you get rid of him this time?" Rimmer asked her stroking her hair. He felt terrible asking her that question; as much as he adored being her lover, he couldn't get over the fact that she was technically 'taken'. She was Lister's girlfriend, and she would remain Lister's girlfriend until they both felt the time was right to tell everyone what had been happening. And for now, neither of them _were _ready. So Rimmer just had to be 'OK' with the situation.  
"I didn't," Nicole replied, "He went to the bar again."  
"Again!?"  
Nicole nodded and shifted her position in the bed, "I'm actually getting quite worried about his drinking. Was he like this before?"  
"Well, he was tipsy most nights. He used to get drunk, not too often, but quite a lot. Nothing like recently, though. He's spent every single night down at that drinking hole for the last month. Even before the accident he didn't do that."  
"God..."  
Rimmer could see this was going to turn pretty sombre unless he did something about it.  
"But let's not worry about that right now, eh?" he said wrapping his arms around her. Nicole sighed, closed her eyes, and felt his hand run up her body. He kissed her head and she began to drift off.  
A high-pitched whistling stopped her.  
"What the smeg!?" she cried.  
"It's Holly," Rimmer said with more than a hint of annoyance in his tone, "she must want something."  
"Well, what are we going to do? She can't see me here like this!"  
"Er..."  
They both looked around in a state of alarm.  
"Arnold?"  
Holly's face appeared on the screen. Nicole ducked down under the sheets just in time. Rimmer cleared his throat heavily in an attempt to appear innocent.  
"Y-yes, Holly?"  
"Could you go down to the drive room and fix one of my circuits for me?"  
"No, go away, I'm busy."  
Holly saw the nakedness of Rimmer, and how he had reacted so agitatedly when she had disturbed him; she put two and two together and got three hundred.  
"Oh, sorry Arn. I didn't realise I was interrupting..._that_."  
Nicole identified Holly's misunderstanding immediately. Rimmer, however...  
"What?" Rimmer was startled--had she seen Nicole?  
"It's OK, I understand it's a bit lonely out here in deep space."  
Nicole bit her lip.  
"Seriously - what?"  
"I understand, Arnold," Holly said in calming tones, "a man's pleasures should always--"  
Nicole didn't get to find out what a man's pleasures should always be, as Rimmer finally comprehended Holly's meaning.  
"What!? No, Holly, no! You weren't interrupting..._that_!"  
Nicole had to stuff her fist in her mouth to stop herself from bursting out with laughter.  
"Well, if you're not...doing that...then you can fix my circuit for me, can't you?"  
"Get someone else to do it."  
"I did try. Lister's pissed, Cat's no use, Kryten's still halfway through the laundry, and I can't find Nikki anywhere."  
"Oh..." Rimmer was torn. On the one hand if he didn't agree to help Holly, she would constantly be on his case. On the other, if he did help Holly, it would mean a trip to the drive room which meant being away from Nikki for at least forty-five minutes. Again, 'Ippy-Dippy' came to the rescue.  
"OK, Hol, I'll be there in a minute. Dress me." He said in despondent tones. She did so. Rimmer was then faced with the tricky take of getting out of the bed without crushing Nicole. It involved a lot of awkward maneuvers and whispered apologies but he eventally managed it.  
"See you there." Holly said. And she was gone. Nicole emerged from the covers.  
"I'll see you later?" she said. Rimmer nodded and kissed her.  
"I'll be back as soon as I possibly can. Believe me, if I could have my way I'd never leave you. Ever."  
Nicole smiled and kissed him. The kiss lasted a little longer than either of them had intended, and it meant Rimmer had to practically run to the drive room.

As she waited for him to come back, Nicole was given time to think. She was having an affair. She could sugar the facts all she wanted; she could say that Arn was giving her everything Dave couldn't; she could say she was lonely; she could put it down to the pressure. What it boiled down to was: she was having an affair. And what was more, what made her feel really terrible, was that when she was in bed with Arnold, it felt good. It felt right. The affair was making her happy.  
But then she thought about it some more. If she truly felt bad about going behind Dave's back, which she knew she did, then surely it wasn't what she was doing that was pleasuring her, but who she was doing it with...  
She quickly got dressed and went into a corridor so as not to arouse suspicion.  
"Holly?"  
The same impatient face evaporated onto the screen.  
"Holly, have you ever been in love?"  
"'Fraid so. A Sinclair ZX-81. Everyone told me not to do anything about it. Biggest regret of my life. Then, of course, there was Hilly, my alternate personality. She was who I based my head on when I had my op."  
_Now that's what you call obsessive_, Nicole thought to herself.  
"Aw, how sweet," she said aloud.  
"Why do you ask?"  
"How do you know when you're in love?"  
"You just do. You get periods where nothing makes any sense, and then all of a sudden everything does. Then, just as quickly, it doesn't again. You can't stop thinking about them. You start picturing your future with them. Your whole life pretty much revolves around them."  
Nicole nodded pensively.  
"Who is it?" Holly interrupted her train of thought.  
"Hm? Who's what?" Nicole asked innocently. Holly lifted a pixilated eybrow.  
"OK," Nicole began with a resigned sigh, "If I tell you, do you promise not to tell _anyone_?"  
Holly nodded eagerly.  
"Over the last couple of weeks, I've been seeing...someone else."  
"Lister?"  
Nicole stared at the senile computer incredulously.  
"Hol, Lister is who I _am _seeing."  
"Is it? Then how come you've been spending most nights at Rimmer's place over the last couple of....oh."  
The penny dropped.

**A/n: **Funnily enough I don't have very much to say about this chapter. Possibly because it's getting late and I had my braces tightened today so my teeth are in agony. But anyway... I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and I've already started on the next. it should be up tomorrow.

P.S. Can someone please tell me to stop using elipses (...) cos they're pissing me off!


	20. Hormonal Imbalance 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Red Dwarf (I'm too tired to bother with a silly remark)

**Author's note: **This chapter really is a key chapter. I enjoyed writing the Kryten scene, purely because I haven't written one in sooooooo long.

"You know what they say," Nicole argued in desperation, "a problem shared is a problem halved!"  
"I understand the theory," Rimmer yelled back, "but when the problem is shared with _Holly_--"  
"_Why_ is this so difficult for you? Why can't you just accept that I've told her? There's nothing much I can do about it, is there?" Nicole said incredulously.  
"Well," Rimmer started more gently, "You could erase her memory. She wouldn't know a thing."  
"Yeah, right, good plan," Nicole retorted sarcastically, "not that Holly isn't confused enough, let's erase the last couple of days too! Come on, Arn, use your head! This is a good thing!"  
"How?"  
This argument continued well into the night. It was three in the morning before Holly interrupted them.  
"Alright, dudes?"  
"Yeah," came two, disgruntled, unisonous voices.  
"Problem, is there?"  
"Arn thinks I shouldn't have told you about us," Nicole explained.  
"Oh," replied Holly, unhelpfully. Rimmer rolled his eyes. This was exactly what he was talking about; Holly wasn't at all reliable. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the released pressure, it was just he was so afraid that Holly would be true to form and accidentally let it slip. Nikki hadn't had as much experience with the 'senile' Holly as he had; he knew he was right, it was just hard to convince Nikki to think the same way.  
"Don't you trust me?"  
Rimmer turned to face the tenth generation AI computer, "No, as a matter of fact, I don't."  
"You should."  
"Why? Give me one good reason."  
"Fair enough. You should trust me 'cos I haven't told a soul about...that problem you had...with your--"  
"Yes, alright!" Rimmer interrupted forcefully. He avoided Nicole's stare at all costs. "Alright, fine, I trust you."  
"Very good." And she disappeared.  
"So," Nicole began cheerily, "what do you want to do?" she wrapped her arms around his waist, but he remained stony, "What's wrong?"  
"I...I think you should go."  
Nicole withdrew in shock, "Excuse me?"  
"I'm still angry that you told Holly about us without consulting me first."  
"What? I don't have to tell you everything!"  
"Yes you do, if you're going to put our relationship in jeopardy!"  
"Since when did I put our relationship--"  
"Just go."  
"Fine. Have a nice evening." She said icily. She turned. She left.

* * *

Kryten was busy with the dry cleaning when Nicole crashed into the room.  
"Miss Adler? What are you doing here?" he noticed the streaky tear-marks on her cheeks and the way she was gulping for breath and immediately went into 'Mother-Hen Clucking' Mode, "Oh, Miss Adler, are you alright? What happened, ma'am?"  
"We...I...I honestly don't know."  
"Has something happened between you and Mister Lister?"  
Nicole shook her head.  
Kryten lowered his voice, "You and Mister Rimmer?"  
Nicole looked at the sanitation droid, stunned.  
"How did--"  
"Oh, bolt me to the ceiling fan and turn it to full power! I'm so sorry, ma'am. I was cleaning up Holly's memory banks and I accidentally came across...it," He concluded feebly.  
"Oh God," Nicole moaned running a hand through her auburn hair.  
"So...what happened?" Kryten asked hesitantly. He knew his empathy was inept, but he couldn't just stand there and let her cry her eyes out without at least trying to talk to her.  
"Oh, we just had a big stupid argument over something really minor," she said facetiously. Kryten had no idea what to say to this, so he awkwardly put an arm around her shoulders. He wished he hadn't allowed Mister Lister to erase his 'Coping with Depressive Females' software. It could have really come in handy here.  
"Krytes?" she asked after a few moments, "have...have you ever been in love?"  
"Once," he replied nostalgically, "Camille."  
"What happened?"  
"I'd rather not talk about it, if you don't mind, ma'am."  
"Course."  
There was another pause.  
"I truly did love her, ma'am," Kryten impulsively continued, "I loved her so much, I had to let her go."  
"God. I don't think I could ever give Arn up. I couldn't live without him."  
"Hormonal imbalance," Kryten uttered.  
"Sorry?"  
"Er, nothing, ma'am."  
There was yet another pause, before, "How did you know?"  
"Hm? Know what, ma'am?"  
"That you loved her?"  
"I just did, ma'am. I got phases where nothing made any sense, then suddenly it did. Then it didn't again. My entire life revolved around her. I even started planning a future with her." He laughed wistfully, "Pretty dumb, huh, ma'am? She was far from perfect, of course. But she was all I ever wanted."  
Nicole sighed, "I have to go talk to Arnold."  
"W-was I any help, ma'am?"  
"Yes, Kryten," she said firmly, "You really were." Then she turned and walked out of the door. Kryten returned to the dry cleaning, very much in 'Smug' Mode.

* * *

"I'm sorry," were the first words that Nicole said as she walked in the door to Rimmer's quarters - she didn't even know if he was in the room.  
"Pardon?"  
Nicole sat next to him on his bunk.  
"I am so, _so_ sorry. If I'd known it would hurt you I would never, ever have told Holly."  
"Well..." Rimmer was absolutely clueless as to what to say. After a thirty-four second pause Nicole couldn't take it any more.  
"Please say something."  
"Are you really apologizing to me?" he asked skeptically.  
"Yes. I want to make amends."  
"But...we had a huge argument."  
"It was just a stupid fight. It's been resolved now, we can get back to..." she ran out of words, so kissed him lightly instead. Rimmer, however, couldn't shake off his doubt.  
"Really?"  
"Really," she assured him, "That's just what happens: you fight; you make up; you move on. That's what happens in a relationship."  
"Well, I wouldn't know that, would I," Rimmer said despondently, "I've never been in a serious relationship before."  
"Well, you're in one now," Nicole said with a smile.  
"Really?" Rimmer asked again.  
"Really," she couldn't help but laugh, "Sweetheart, we've been sleeping together for two months; we talk; we laugh; we sometimes cry," she could feel herself building up to something, but she couldn't for the life of her figure out what it was, "I've never felt for anyone the way I feel about you. I can't stop thinking about you. Even when I'm with Dave, all I can think about is how I'm gonna get to see _you_. Stuff that never made sense in the past, suddenly...fits. And some other stuff has been completely messed up," she laughed and put her arms around his shoulders, "I live from one meeting to the next. My whole life revolves around you," this speech felt oddly and uncomfortably familiar to Nicole. Then she realised: "I love you."

_Oh my God, did I just say that!?_ Nicole thought to herself.  
_Oh my God, did she just say that!? _Rimmer thought to himself.

"I love you too."

_Oh my God, did I just say that!? _Rimmer thought to himself.  
_Oh my God, did he just say that!? _Nicole thought to herself.

Then, without thinking anything at all, they spontaneously fell into each others arms and kissed passionately.

**A/n: **Awwwwww! Only two more chapters to go, thank God!


	21. Not insane, merely mad

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Red Dwarf or any of it's awe-inspiring characters, plots, situations etc.

**Author's note: **I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter - I don't like hurting Lister so much! Anyway, please R&R, let me know what you think.

"You know what this means, don't you?" Rimmer said as he held Nicole close to him. Nicole jolted with a start. They had been lying in bed for just under an hour, and listening to the dull buzz of his light-bee had almost sent her to sleep.  
"What?"  
"We have to tell him," he said after a diffident pause. Nicole didn't need telling twice what he was talking about. Now they knew they were in love with each other, he wanted to tell Lister.  
"I don't know..."  
"Oh, come on. We love each other; this relationship can barely get any more serious. I think it's time."  
Nicole sighed heavily. He was right. No matter how much she would hate it, she had to tell Dave she had been cheating on him with the man he detests.....that would be fun.

* * *

"Dave?"  
Lister looked up from his lager to see Nicole and Rimmer standing together. They both had the same solemn expression on their faces and it worried him.  
"W-what? Has something happened? Is it the Cat? Is it Kryten? Is Holly OK?" his voice got higher and higher pitched.  
"No, everyone's OK," Nicole said soothingly, "but...there's something we need to tell you."  
Lister's eyes flicked back and forth between the pair standing in front of him. Nicole took a deep breath.  
"Dave? Over the last few weeks...um, the, er...what's been happening is...um," she cleared her throat loudly and deliberately. Twice. Rimmer subtly nudged her in the back - a signal that she should stop blabbering, get on with it and tell him. Nicole didn't care for this added pressure.  
"Arn?" she said in a mock-sweet tone, "Would _you _care to fill Dave in on the situation?"  
Rimmer stood stock-still for a moment.  
"No, that's OK. You can tell him."  
"Oh, gee, thanks," Nicole replied sardonically, "I feel honoured now."  
"Guys?" Lister interrupted, "Is this going somewhere, 'cos I promised Kryten I'd meet him for lunch."  
"OK, I'm just gonna say it," Nicole said. After a _very_ long pause she finally blurted it all out in one breath, "I've been seeing Arn for the last two days."  
Lister looked shocked and confused.  
"Sexually," She added for good measure.  
"Oh," Lister said, minimally.  
"Are you...OK with it?" Nicole asked. Lister nodded mundanely.  
"Just one question," Lister said, almost too brightly, "how far does this...go?"  
"We...we're in love with each other," Rimmer said, then turned his attention to his shoes.  
"Oh," he said again.  
There was a long, lingering silence. Rimmer and Nicole looked at each other; Rimmer shrugged. Neither of them had an inkling of what to do. So they just stood there. They stood there until Lister looked at his watch and rose from Nicole's bunk.  
"Gotta go. I promised Kryten I'd meet him for lunch."  
He left without a glance in their direction.

Lister had never been so angry. He couldn't get over it. No matter how many times he repeated it in his head, 'Nikki and Rimmer are in love,' he couldn't quite believe it. At first he tried to kid himself: it was all some horrible nightmare; he'd wake up any second. But deep down, he knew. Rimmer had won. It was so unfair: Rimmer was dead and he was getting laid more than Lister was.  
It explained a lot, too. Nikki had lost her panicky nervousness and now sort of radiated with an invisible glow. Rimmer had been much happier over the last couple of weeks as well; brighter, more sprightly, and definately less of a smeghead. This led him to think, maybe it made sense. After all, Rimmer would never neglect her the way_ he_ had during the last month or so. They were in love. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew that, ultimately, this would make them both happier than they had ever been. And did they deserve that? Of course they did.  
Lister downed his seventh Leopard Lager and scrunched the can in his hand irrevocably; as far as he was concerned, he had been beaten by alcohol, and he wasn't going to touch another drop. He flung the can into the open waste disposal unit and took a deep breath. He wasn't going to let it get to him. If _they _were happy, then _he _was damned well going to be happy as well. If he saw them together he would smile and be glad for them. Everything would be fine now. Everything would be fine.

* * *

"That was horrible!" Nicole said as she walked through the door to the quarters she had come to know so well.  
"I presume you meant months," Rimmer said without explanation. Nicole stared at him.  
"What are you talking about?" she said bewildered.  
"You said we've been seeing each other for two _days_. You meant months."  
Nicole was astounded, "Is that all you can think about? We've just broken that poor man's heart, and you're worried about some...grammatical mistake I made!?"  
Rimmer shrugged.  
"I don't really care." He walked over to the shocked Nicole and wrapped his arms around her, "All I care about is that I have you." He kissed her lightly, "I love you."  
"I love you too." Rimmer couldn't hear those words enough. He threw his arms around her waist and pulled her off the ground. She wrapped her legs around his body and bombarded him with fanatical kisses. It was at this point that, unbeknownst to them, Lister walked in. He took one look at the couple and felt the anger well up inside him. He turned and left before he did something he regretted to either of them.

* * *

"Night."  
"Goodnight."  
_Kiss.  
_"Sweet dreams."  
"You too."  
"See you tomorrow."  
_Kiss.  
_"I'll miss you."  
"I'll miss you more."  
_Kiss.  
_"You have to go!"  
"OK, OK, goodnight."  
_Kiss.  
_Rimmer and Nicole had decided to sleep in separate rooms that night, so as not to pour salt into Lister's wounds. But they were finding it difficult to say goodbye.  
When she had finally left, Rimmer jumped into bed on a complete natural high. He did feel bad for Lister - no one deserved to be shot down so cruelly - but he was also so happy that he and Nicole were going to be together forever.

He was woken later that night by a small crash in the corridor outside his room. There was silence for a long time so Rimmer decided to go back to sleep. If he had stayed awake for a few minutes longer he would have known it was Lister who grabbed his light-bee and switched off his projection.

* * *

Lister walked briskly down the corridor, Rimmer gripped tightly in his fist. He was muttering to himself in varying tones. His eyes darted around the walls in a drunken state of confusement. Anyone who didn't know him would have thought he was mad. Anyone who did know him would have thought he had regressed into madness.  
_I thought I could handle it, Rimmer, _he mumbled phsycotically, _but I can't. So, I'm sorry, but it's not gonna happen. I'm not gonna let it happen. You've beaten me once too often, Rimsy.  
_At that point Nicole turned a corner and walked into Lister.  
"Oh, sorry, I..." she noticed the small, diamond-shaped electronic device that Lister had clenched in his grip, "What's that?"  
Lister tried to walk on but Nicole stepped in his way.  
"What is it, Lister?"  
Lister looked into her eyes, shook his head and tried to get past her again, but she placed a hand on his shoulder.  
"If that's Arnie then I'll..."  
Lister suddenly grabbed the arm that was restricting him, not hard, but firmly.  
"Lister," Nicole said shakily, "You're scaring me. What are you doing?" She could feel his grip tighten ever so slowly. She blinked back the tears.  
"That," Lister said in a low voice, "Is none of your smegging business."  
He let her go and she ran. He stayed until he was sure she wasn't coming back, then went into his new sleeping quarters. He opened a small cupboard and held Rimmer's light-bee to his face.  
_You always complained about gettin' held back in life. You thought you had it bad, didn't ya? Well, here ya go, pal, _He tossed Rimmer into the hole, _Get outta that one._  
The door closed with a shuddering bang.

**A/n: **Good God, that was fun to write. I think I'm gonna say that this story is set in a parallel universe where Lister is darker and more malevolent than the one we know and love. I cannot believe I only have one more chapter to go! This is the last footnote I'm going to write so I just want to say, the last month and a half has been so amazing, and thankyou for all the amazing reviews! I love you all!!! (I'm welling up!)


	22. Tough Decisions

**Disclaimer: **For the last time, I don't own Red Dwarf, Arnold Judas Rimmer, David Lister, the Cat, Kryten 2X4B 523P, Holly, Kristine Z. Kochanski, Cptn. Frank Hollister. Aw, memories...

**Author's note: **This is it. No, really. This is THE last chapter of this story. The last chapter of my first story. This is, like, legendary! OK, let's not go nuts...  
Please R&R, and tell me if you cried. 'Cos I did! I tried to put a bit of every character in this one to give it a nice, round finish, but I think it leans towards Holly and Lister. Anyway, look out for my next story - which I have already started! - and, for the last time, ENJOY!

"So let me get this straight," Cat was having difficulty grasping the situation, "You've shut Goalpost-head in the cupboard because he was secretly in love with your ex-girlfriend?"  
"Yes!" everyone else yelled in exasperation. There was a pause.  
"But wait a minute..." Cat began, before Lister threatened to stick _his_ head in a cupboard.  
"There is just one thing I don't understand, sir," Kryten said, "If Miss Adler and Mister Rimmer are truly in love, and I know for a fact that they are, then surely they should be together. Unless my histo-chip is faulty, I am under the illusion that when people are in love, they vow to spend the rest of their years together."  
"Yeah, that's what I heard an' all!" Holly joined in.  
"Yeah, well, this is different," Lister retorted, "You don't fall in love with people who are already attached; it's gospel; it's an unwritten law."  
"Again, my hardware contradicts this. Love is a spontaneous, isolated hormonal imbalance that is problematic to manage."  
"Come again?" Lister asked, extremely confused. Holly translated:  
"It wasn't their fault."  
Lister erupted, "Of course it was their fault! OK, fair enough, they couldn't help but fall in love, but they didn't have to act on it, did they? They could have left well alone, but oh, no! They had to have an affair; develop their relationship!" Cat wiped the spit from his suit in disgust, "And they didn't even have to tell me! Then at least everyone would be happy!"  
"Is that really true?" Holly asked.  
"Of course!"  
"I don't think it is. You dismissed the idea of them being together from the word go, didn't you? You never even gave them a chance!"  
"Hey, I gave them a chance, but I couldn't handle it, alright? S'not my fault!"  
"And it's not theirs either!" Holly yelled, "You have just split two people that were clearly destined for each other; made them unbearably miserable. A_nd_ yourself! _And _us!" She was on a roll, "You have no idea how much upset you've caused, have you?"  
Lister stared at the computer in shock. Since her sex-change, Holly had declined in her ability to navigate the Dwarf, to take orders, even to make sense, sometimes. But she was much more philosophically tuned. On some level, Lister knew she was right, but he was stubborn. He shrugged and opened a new can of lager, tossing the old one over his shoulder.

As Kryten waddled over and bent down to pick it up, he noticed a pair of feet standing next to him. He looked up and saw Nicole.  
"Kryten? You know that planet we have in range? You said it had an S3 atmosphere, didn't you?"  
"Yes, ma'am."  
"Good."  
She walked over to the rest of the gang.  
"Is Arn here? I thought Lister took his light-bee in here last night."  
"Yeah, he's here," said the Cat.  
Nicole looked around.  
"Where?"  
"He's in the cupboard for reasons not yet clear to me," Cat explained unaccommodatingly.  
"He's doin' some thinkin'," Lister filled her in. Nikki walked over to the locked cupboard door and sat next to it.  
"Maybe you not being able to speak will make this easier," she started, then she looked at Kryten, "he can hear me, right?"  
"Oh, yes, ma'am."  
"Arn. I...I've decided to leave. I'm taking the stasis capsule down to that planet. I know you said you wanted to take me there, but that was before...the unpleasantness," she tried to avoid looking at Lister, "Don't follow me. I think it's best that, once Lister let's you out, you forget all about me. I've disrupted this ship and its occupants. I'm sorry." She paused, "I love you."  
She sniffed to hold back the tears and went to the door.  
"I want to thank you all. I'll never forget any of you. But try and forget me, eh? Try and rebuild your lives."  
She left without another word.

Lister felt an unpleasant stab of conscience. He felt like he was on a terraformed planet - his guilt and his immorality became two physical bodies, divided from his.  
"What are you doing?" his guilt said, "They love each other, they want to be with each other. Even _you _can see they're made for each other. Let him out."  
"Don't listen to him," a gruff voice interrupted, "he took away your girl! How can you possibly forgive that?"  
"Have you ever seen either of them as fractionally happy before as they are now?"  
_No._ Lister admitted.  
"Who cares about their happiness?" Lister immorality spat, "What about yours? You couldn't possibly feel happy seeing them together each day, watching their relationship develop. You couldn't, could you? _Could you?_"  
_No._ Lister admitted.  
"Please, Dave," his guilt piped up again, "take a moment and think about what you're doing."  
Lister thought, but it was no good; he still couldn't bring himself to a decision. He let each side of his person have one more argument.  
"Don't be stupid, Dave! Think of them having sex each night; getting married; having children. And all the time you're just a guy on the sideline. It was her decision to leave. Let her go."  
"They are meant to be together! They make each other happy! You're a good man, you know it does no good to tear them apart. Let him out."  
Lister had heard enough.

He ripped open the cupboard door and grappled inside for Rimmer's light-bee. He urgently scanned the surface of it until he found the right button. He pressed it and threw the bee in no particular direction. Rimmer formed mid-air and landed on the floor with a soundless thump.  
"Go get her." Lister said simply.  
"What?"  
"Go, quick, you can still catch her."  
"Are you serious?"  
"Yes!"  
"But...what about you? How are you going to--?"  
"For smeg's sake, man, you love this woman don't you!?"  
"Yes, of course."  
"Then smeggin' well go get her!"  
Rimmer wanted to go. More than anything. But something told him not to. Not until he found out why Lister was letting him do it.  
"Lister--" he started, but the man in question groaned in exasperation and flung his hand into Rimmer's chest once again. He grabbed hold of the light-bee and positioned his finger over the 'off' button.  
"Rimmer. Out that door, or the light-bee gets it."  
"OK, OK!" Rimmer said in desperation.  
"You'll go?"  
"Yes, I'll go!"  
"You'll tell her you love her?"  
"Yes!"  
"You'll never let her go?"  
"No, I won't, I swear! Let go of my light-bee you gimboid!"  
Lister did so and Rimmer immediately sprinted off. A few seconds later he reappeared.  
"Dave?"  
"Mm?"  
There was a long pause.  
"Thank you. So much."  
"HURRY UP!"  
"OK, OK!"  
With that, Rimmer ran down the corridor to reclaim the woman he loved.

**THE END.....**


End file.
